Landed here, a brand new year.

“Solstice ain't as far as it used to be / It begins to blur, we get older”

whenever i notice something in my life taking a hold of me (in a negative way), i MAKE IT MY MISSION to regain control. i don’t like the thought of my unconscious impulses tipping the scales on me.
So a seemingly simple challenge; no social media, no alcohol and no phone usage around my children unless absolutely necessary over a 6 week break. here’s what i noticed.

I realised that every time i grabbed my phone to check the time, or send a text i would instinctively go to open the IG app. so after a day or two of mild urges, i adjusted.
i found myself, reading the two books that have been sitting on the bedside table covered in dust. i sketched, I painteD. i played music in my headphones when i first woke up and made my coffee instead of being blasted with a king tide of trash.i did normal things. I FELT CLEARER, AND BECAME A BETTER FATHER BECAUSE OF IT. THIS IMAGE ABOVE IS A CHRISTMAS CARD FOR PENNY DRAWN BY MY SON AND I.

the alcohol thing; this was easier for me as i don’t tend to drink during the week & I could go weeks without having alcohol and not miss it. my wife is the same which makes it easier.
for me it’s more a case of being able to not be swayed into a couple harmless drinks if i’ve made the promise to myself.

one major constant this year was my discipline and consistency with my training and diet. i train cos i want to look and feel my best but if i’m being honest, the main reason is so i maintain my calm.
i’ve always had a short fuse, a temper. all of these things listed above, (and meditation) help me manage and keep me from spilling all of my blessings.

2025 WAS A MONSTER YEAR FOR ME IN TERMS OF OUTPUT. AS HARD AS WE WORKED ON THE DELIVERY OF ‘AS IT ECHOED OFF THE STOOP’ IT truly FELT SO ORGANIC AND NATURAL FROM START TO FINISH. IT WAS THE ALBUM I’VE ALWAYS DREAMT OF MAKING & ONLY AFTER CHRISTMAS DId i TAKE STOCK OF ALL THE THINGS THAT HAPPENED AND have a moment to PROPERLY REFLECT.

TO BE GOOD AT THIS THING, YOU HAVE TO BE SELFISH. YOU HAVE TO BE IN THE CENTRE AND ON FOR IT TO WORK.
SOME PEOPLE CAN PLAY THE BACKGROUND & TRADE OFF MYSTIQUE BUT THEY ARE THE ONE PERCENT AND MORE OFTEN THAN NOT THEY HAVE HAD TO EARN THAT FADE AWAY.
IF I’M BEING SUPER HONEST, THIS IS clearly MY BEST BODY OF WORK AND MY MOST cohesive album CAMPAIGN TO DATE…. and I STILL DIDN’T QUITE FEEL “SATISFIED”… OR “ACCOMPLISHED”.
don’t get me wrong, I am incredibly PROUD OF WHAT WE MADE, AND HUMBLED BY THE GLOWING FEEDBACK from strangers and those CLOSE TO ME… BUT FOR ALL OF THE SACRIFICe, the EMOTIONAL INVESTMENT AND TIME SPENT OBSESSING OVER THIS THING I QUESTION WHETHER THE JUICE WAS WORTH THE SQUEEZE?
I COULD PUT THIS feeling DOWN TO A FEW DIFFERENT THINGS - this MUSIC ISN’T A VALUED COMMODITY , THE GAME IS A PREDATORY ONE etc etc. SOME element of the magic SEEMS TO BE LOST AND IT’S far EASIER TO HIT COPY AND PASTE THAN TO DIG FOR THE TREASURE. ABOVE ALL, I THINK THE MAIN REASON i feel this way IS THAT WHEN I’M CREATING ALBUMS, I’M so DISTRACTED. MY KIDS WILL ASK ME TO PLAY WITH THEM AND I WILL SAY “AFTER THIS ONE THING I’VE GOTTA DO”, OR THEY’LL ASK ME TO “PUT MY PHONE DOWN DADDY” TO LOOK AT WHAT THEY’VE MAde and i won’t look up. i can’t miss these things. i can’t be looking at something with more focus than the two things on the planet that mean the most to me.
i’m a dedicated father, a great father. my kids are 2 and 4 and already i mourn the years that have passed. i mourn people and moments even before they leave me, i always have.
this kind of self awareness is key to my growth, but it’s an emotional burden to constantly be thinking how i can better optimise and course correct.

one thing i’ve learnt is that music will always call, i will almost certainly answer. but my babies won’t ever be babies again.

I USED TO HAVE NOTHING, BUT RAP.

RAP WAS MY ESCAPE, HOLED UP IN MY BEDROOM BEING TRANSPORTED TO A WORLD BETTER THAN THE ONE I WAS IN.
IF YOU ASKED 14 YEAR OLD ME THAT I WOULD HAVE THE LIFE I HAVE NOW I DON’T THINK I WOULD HAVE BELIEVED IT. SOME PEOPLE CAN SEE THE PATH THAT EARLY ON BUT I DON’T THINK I HAD THE SELF BELIEF OR TOOLS TO EVEN ENVISION BACK THEN. I WAS JUST DOING WHAT CAME NATURALLY AND FOLLOWING A CRAFT AND CULTURE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE I HAD PLACE. WE ALL WERE.
BUT THE GOALS CHANGE, THE PRIORITIES SHIFT, THEY HAVE TO.
BADU EXPLAINED IT PERFECTLY IN AN INTERVIEW I WATCHED RECENTLY WHERE SHE DESCRIBED THE UNIVERSE AS A TRAFFIC LIGHT. YOU HAVE TO TRUST THE FEELING INSIDE WHEN SOMETHING IS TELLING YOU TO GO, MOVE SLOW, OR STOP WHAT YOU’RE DOING ALTOGETHER. YOU ALSO HAVE TO HAVE A BUNCH OF FALSE STARTS IN LIFE TO EVEN ARRIVE AT THE POINT OF IDENTIFYING WHAT THOSE INTERNAL KNOWINGS ARE IN THE FIRST PLACE.
A FEW MONTHS AGO I BOUGHT MY DREAM HOME, IN MY DREAM STREET FOR MY DREAM FAMILY TO BUILD A LIFE IN. THIS IS MY GREEN.
ANYTHING THAT TAKES ME AWAY FROM MY PRIORITIES IS A DISTRACTION. THIS IS MY RED.
AND THE CREATIVITY, THE MUSIC, THE ART, THE DESIGN - IT’S ALL PART OF THE SAME DRIVE. IT TAKES MANY SHAPES AND WILL CONTINUE TO SERVE ME, BUT IT IS FOR NOW MY ORANGE.

I FEEL LIKE WE ARE COLLECTIVELY IN A BIG BATTLE TO STAY HUMAN, AND I JUST HOPE THAT WE TAKE A MOMENT TO UNPLUG FROM THE DISTRACTIONS ALL AROUND TO SEE IF IT’S WORTH FIGHTING FOR.

J.